Friday, January 31, 2014

South Side of Pilot

Let there be trees
And it was so
The fires came
Yet trees still grow

The squirrels dance
The turkeys run
The deer romp
The setting sun

Another day among the living
That speak a different language

january, 2014

~mountain trail, 1/27/14~

~lost on mountain trail, 1/27/14~

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Poems from the archives...

I'm currently posting some poems from my true-believer days.

Not sure how long I'll be on this kick.

Might stop tomorrow...or a month from now.

I have most of my past poems (accessed by the *link below*) organized by date and have the dates entitled to describe that season of my life. I only have poems organized through 2010. I've written more since then, but haven't archived them...yet.

The season titles are (unless I change them some time in the future):
  • Eureka: 1978 - 1981
  • Suppressformity: 1982 - 1998
  • Awakening: 1999 - 2003
  • Emergence: 2004 - 2006
  • Emancipation: 2007
  • Hmmm...: 2008
  • Reason&Rhyme: 2009
  • Reality: 2010
*Here is the link: Nekot's Tokens*

Friday, January 24, 2014

The Willing Heart

[Note: From the deep archives...1981]

My entire soul vibrates
with the Life of Christ

all encompassing
with every vibrant hue.

Like a precious Gem sparkling and glowing
with Light's reflection,
I am the reflection of
the Giver of Light,
the Giver of Life,
the Giver of Love.

Within every cell of my Being
He fills.
Within every cell He is eager
to teach me;
ever ready and waiting
for my Heart
to be willing.

To Him the willing Heart is
without price.
For within that Heart He is able
to give
and from that Heart

By His love He gave freedom
of will
and the liberty
to choose.

He doesn't force or coerce.
He encourages with a tender
coaxes with a loving
He entreats
awaiting my decision.

What great joy
must fill the Father's Heart
when mankind believes
by the free choosing of his will.
What Love beyond
lies within Him,
and thus within me.
I simply need
to choose
to believe.

For within me
is the precious Gem
sparkling and glowing
with the Giver of Light's


Not sure what to say about this now, in 2014.

I turned 22 years old in 1981.


Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Never Doubt

[Note: From the deep archives...1978-1981]

Sometimes our walk in life
may not display our whole love for God.
But don't be quick to judge another;
even greater not yourself.
Remember that God looks upon the heart;
He understands our every doubt.
Yet, He is confident in us!
es; you and me
Regardless of our old-man doubts.

God doesn't doubt;
He believes in us.
He has entrusted us with
His most precious gem;
That is His Love, His Son, His Word,
His very Heart
So that we might hide
Him in our hearts
And hold Him in our minds,
So that we might see
as He sees us
with hearts as pure as His.

God so loved that He gave
while we yet lived in sin.
Well has God quit giving now?!?
We need but reach deep
And with all we've got
reach out
Bury our hearts in His,
entrust Him with our all.

God is our Strength,
our Enablement.
He believes in you
and me.
So don't be quick to judge
And even greater not
But at times
when this happens
Remember God
lean to nothing else.


Another poem written in my true-believer days.

The Way taught that there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus. And The Way taught the "law of believing;" that is that what one believes in one's heart one receives and that "confession (or words) of belief yields receipt of confession (words)."

It was a double-edged sword for certain least for me. I became eaten up with self-doubt. Standards were so high; I just couldn't attain them. But, I was not supposed to condemn my self; so then I'd condemn myself for condemning my self.

Anyway, it's somewhat ironic but not surprising, that I've been reading a book entitled "Trusting Doubt."

Quite opposite of the title of this poem.

My Life is a Gift

[Note: From the deep archives...1978-1981]

How thankful I am
for men who have stood
through trial, through doubt,
through temptation and spite.
For because of these men
I can stand here today
and declare the glory
of my God.
Without these men
I would not know that
my life is a gift
to the Body of Christ.

I've been called and enabled
to carry forth His Word
A task far greater
than man can comprise,
A task so great
that only God can provide
the energy and strength
to carry on.
I shall stand 'til my death
or the Return of my Lord.
My heart is committed
to do that which is takes
to see God's Word
over the world.

My life is a gift
to the Body of Christ.
Because of men before me
I know that I can.
I'm Corps.
I'm called forever to stand.
My life is a gift
to the Body of Christ.

What shall I say
when tempted to doubt?
For with God I stand!
He has clothed me with
His Righteousness;
with that I have the right
to speak boldly.

To Him I give
the whole burnt offering,
the living sacrifice.
My Lord, here I am.
My life is a gift
to the Body of Christ.
I'm called. I'm Corps,
forever to stand!
My life is a gift
to the Body of Christ.


Obviously written in my true-believer days.

Good people were in the Way Corps, folks with good hearts. At the time, I believed the leaders had followers' best interests at heart. And some leaders did.

The top leadership though...well...imo, the Way's founder was a(and other top leaders were/are) manipulative narcissist(s), at the least. That opinion has developed over the last eight years as I've studied human behavior and group dynamics and transcendent belief systems; and as individuals have shared their personal stories with me, their encounters with certain of these men and women.

I realize all people make mistakes. Mistakes aren't the issue; patterns of manipulation are...wrong...wrong. I'd say even evil. Not something to go looking for. But to be aware of? Yes.

I hike in the woods. I am aware of snakes and bears and poison ivy.

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Pinhole View: Prose 3

He lived His life
an obedient one.
He loved and foresaw
what was to come.

It was this love,
this vision,
this purpose
that spurred Him to do.

His life was the sacrifice
for me, for you.

What am I to do,
one so weak, so small?
How do I respond
to this magnificent call?

He simply says,
"Come. Rest. Relish.
In the work I have done."

"Take it.
Accept it.
I did it for You.
Embrace it.
Hold it.
All is true.
Hide it within.
Take it to heart.
This is the reason
I gave my all.
For you my child,
my friend."

"Once you embrace it,
please step aside.
Allow me entree to work within.
As you cast all your care...
all the guilt....
all the shame.....
all the sickness...
all the pain...
You shall find freedom
In a love

"Step aside.
Trust I know what is best.
Then take the step
of me working within."

"I will guide,
transform your heart.
But my child,
you first must start.
By simply accepting
all I have done.
To make you righteous
God's daughter, God's son."

february, 2006

This poem is Prose 3 of 3. All three parts can be read here:
Pinhole View: A Trilogy

Prose 1 can be read alone here: Pinhole View: Prose 1
Prose 2 can be read alone here: Pinhole View: Prose 2

I wrote Prose 3 four months after leaving The Way. I had left The Way via a splinter group and, at the time, I felt I had found genuine fellowship again via that splinter group.

Even though my husband didn't officially leave The Way until April, he was on his way out before that time. Sometime around February, 2006, my husband and I had hosted a class in our home via that splinter group. A handful of Way believers who were questioning attended that class.

One of the leaders from the splinter group closed the class for us; it was a huge incident for me at the time. That I could call this leader directly and ask him to close the class, and he made the time to do so. He couldn't be with us in person, so he closed it via the speaker phone. He took time for each person to introduce themselves, if they wanted. It was a healing time.

The group and its teachings were beyond helpful at the time, and for that I will always be thankful.

Pinhole View: Prose 2

My heart cried out
to the forces that be.

"Where are you?
Can you hear me?
Do you exist?
Dare I believe?"

My heart craved,
yearning to find
its place
in this great big world
among this human race.

"Where do I fit?
Where do I belong?
So many choices...
What if I'm wrong?"

I tried to fit
so many places
among different groups
diverse faces.

Times of elation,
times of doubt.
Times of exuberance,
times of remorse.

"Where do I turn,
where do I stake
this life of mine?
Upon what course?"

For awhile I settled for mediocrity,
But my soul suffered emptily.
I searched, pondered through many books.

Philosophies, answers
in so many nooks.

Then I came full circle
back to Jesus Christ
and God's Word.

I found myself humbled,
small again.

Was I the wiser
for wandering?

Aye? Nay?
Of the answer
I am uncertain.

But humbled,
I am.

I trust my heart
will stay
upon this new,
old course.

december, 2005

This poem is Prose 2 of 3. All three parts can be read here:
Pinhole View: A Trilogy

Prose 1 can be read alone here: Pinhole View: Prose 1
Prose 3 can be read alone here: Pinhole View: Prose 3

I wrote Prose 2 two months after leaving The Way, after spending months and months searching.

I ended up leaving The Way via a Way splinter group and, at the time, I felt I had found genuine fellowship again via that splinter group. The group and its teachings were beyond helpful at the time, and for that I will always be thankful.