Saturday, November 15, 2008


pressure from above
unseen, only felt
reality distorted
no exit route

narcotics, cold steel
moon upon the waters
voices in the head
cocktail mix for death

"hopeless failure
despicable soul
worthless carbon
self-indulgent fool"

blueprint emerges
with isolation as
the nexus
ingredients complete

yet, one thought
bars the doorway
"fruit of my womb,
legacy worth life"

november 15, 2oo8

Suicidal ideation is defined as thoughts about suicide which may include a formulated plan. Unless one has been there, I don't know if one can comprehend the utter worthlessness and engulfing darkness that is experienced.

During an episode, one of the main helps (if not the main factor) is to reach out for help; isolation can be a killer. Yet, to make that phone call feels almost like an impossible task; it is like a paralysis. Then the question is who to call. If a sufferer feels s/he has no one to reach out to that will understand, call the suicide helpline. The people there know what to do; they understand; they are there to help.

Another help is bring to mind those who you love, for they are the ones left to suffer. For me, the thought of my children living with the reality that their mother committed suicide leaves a horrible imprint on my psyche. That reality, and it would be a reality, has been my catalyst to make the call for help.

Of course, anyone who suffers with mental health challenges needs to seek medical intervention with people trained in that area. There is help: various coping skills, medications, nutrition, etc.

To Life!

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