(note: language warning)
I despise these fucking standards
Decades fed with perfectionism
I wish I could simply erase
This god-damned approval addiction
Self-blame a constant resident
Yet, the guilt does not all lie with me
Perhaps it's within the warped standards
Of a false-sterile society
I've grown to detest sterility
Breeding its disease in secrecy
A playground for deception
How do I flee this beguilement
Without loosing a ravenous beast
Whose been chained and finally tastes freedom
With a lusting impulse to feast
Upon the cravings denied it
Once starved of the sense to feel
To allow emancipation
Will its hunger therein be healed
Or this insatiable desire to feed
To express without repression
Will it slay that which it needs
And devour its yearned for companion
Nay, if allowed to follow its longing
The famine put out to pasture
This beast will patiently gentle
Approval no longer the master
april 1, 2007
Unrelenting standards are one of the customary fares in a totalistic group. To the group, appearances are more important than the individual. There is to be no hint of error, else the doctrine might be proven as wrong. There is a sickening air of a sterile, emotionless, humanless culture. Seldom are performed tasks good enough.
This perfectionism can stifle creativity and cause one to fear and box their own expression. It can lead to an incessant strive for approval.
There are duties in life that need great precision, such as a carpenter's saw or the surgeon's scalpel or even an artist's pen. But other tasks in life do not require such. Chairs don't have to be straight nor every bed wrinkle smoothed nor every place setting exactly even.
A few months prior to penning this poem I had discovered poetrypages.com. For me the site was (and is) like a breath of fresh air! To be able to express myself in a public setting was a remarkable step in recovery. Yes, it was scary (and sometimes still is). At the same time it was (is) liberating: to express and to be able to make mistakes, without fear of constant correction (from myself or others.).
The beast is slowly being gentled. However with its gentling, I'd like to not lose its wild side. :-)
btw: I've tried to find another word besides "sterility" to end the first line of verse three. But alas, I fail to find one I like. Any suggestions are appreciated!