I've got to get out of this funk
Thursday was so very, very dark
I cannot pretend it did not happen
And move along to the next thing
Nor do I need to dwell on it
But I do need to be cognizant of it
I cannot fight my illness
I cannot run from it
So neither fight nor flight can apply
Yet, that is sometimes the response
So one fights with one's self
Or runs from one's self
But there is no escape
Reality is
I have a serious, rare, long term disease
For which, supposedly, there is
No cure
So, the symptoms and all their derivatives
Must be managed
That is the best I can do
For now
My first and foremost responsibility is
Selfcare
Which isn't selfish
It is a lonesome task
Variety of pains
Shooting, aches, tenderness
Spasms
Muscle weakness
Movement in slow motion
Vertigo
Nausea
Headaches
Migraines
Overwhelming fatigue
Utter exhaustion
Scrambled eggs for brains
Anxiety
Depression
Suicidal ideation
Insomnia
Lowered immunity
Bone loss
Heartburn
Bloating
I am aware of and watchful for these
On a daily basis
I manage them as they arise
Not necessarily all at one time
But sometimes it is
All at once
The severity fluctuates
On any given day
So Carol, go easy on yourself
You really do a damn, good job
