Rolling and dancing...

Tears of joy today

I rode my bike outside

12.14 miles

A passer-by greeted me,

"How are you today?"

"Good, good," I replied

As I slowly pedaled by

In the next moment 

My giant smile turned to shock

I said "Good" (!!!)

"Good" had just happily rolled out

It was real

It was spontaneous

And it felt...good

Two men clapped for me

All the trees were dancing

Tree and I hugged after my ride

While I danced to Michael Franti

Is this acceptance?

 

This morning I thought

This morning I felt

The disease has won

Then I felt

I need to make my self

my body, my mind comfortable

I did not think it; I felt it

And later I figured out

Behind what I felt

That is

I cannot keep up this pace

I can't keep going on like this

Is this acceptance?

I thought I had already

accepted

Acceptance must come 

in layers

Like grief, like onions

I'm not giving up

But I am going to make myself

as comfortable as possible

Even if that means more steroids

But I'm not going back

all the way

Because I will end up back here

I think I know what it feels like

To be an addict, of sorts