Yellow Court

Today from my Yellow Court

A smokey cloud emerged

Though it wasn't smoke

It was dark-gray

Pain, decades old

Held by a cord

Then

Golden scissors 

Cut the cord

And the cloud ascended

A deep golden-yellow

Shone upon it

"I don't want to be forgotten

I don't want to be abandoned"

Said the trembling dark-gray cloud

"We aren't abandoning you"

Replied the golden-glow

"We are setting you free"

Light of golden-yellow

Warm like the sun

Gently penetrated

And shone inside the cloud

The light soothed the cloud

For the cloud had been hiding

A long time in darkness

And now the cloud was free!

The darkness turned to light!

Gentle rain fell from the cloud

Drops like tears

Tears of acceptance, of transformation

Purified

The Insiders danced for joy!

Pog and It and I witnessed

We smiled and felt 

YES! 

Rolling and dancing...

Tears of joy today

I rode my bike outside

12.14 miles

A passer-by greeted me,

"How are you today?"

"Good, good," I replied

As I slowly pedaled by

In the next moment 

My giant smile turned to shock

I said "Good" (!!!)

"Good" had just happily rolled out

It was real

It was spontaneous

And it felt...good

Two men clapped for me

All the trees were dancing

Tree and I hugged after my ride

While I danced to Michael Franti

Is this acceptance?

 

This morning I thought

This morning I felt

The disease has won

Then I felt

I need to make my self

my body, my mind comfortable

I did not think it; I felt it

And later I figured out

Behind what I felt

That is

I cannot keep up this pace

I can't keep going on like this

Is this acceptance?

I thought I had already

accepted

Acceptance must come 

in layers

Like grief, like onions

I'm not giving up

But I am going to make myself

as comfortable as possible

Even if that means more steroids

But I'm not going back

all the way

Because I will end up back here

I think I know what it feels like

To be an addict, of sorts