Tuesday, August 3, 2010


Had a hard day today
A friendship died
And I'm very confused as to why or how

I endeavored to open the door
To talk, to understand
But the door was shut with my face in it

It hurt

Apparently I am responsible for the death
The friend told me
"You destroyed our friendship"

And I don't even know how I committed the murder

I never want to burden a friend
With the responsibility they need to defend me
I don't make a good defense barrier

Maybe that means I am a rotten friend
Maybe I can't be trusted
And now my heart wonders

Can it trust itself again


Don't feel like writing the context. It is what it is. Though I am stunned by it all. I feel raw and numb at the same time. It will take some time to not shake inside. That shake that comes when I feel I can't trust myself.

1 comment:

Oneperson said...

The quote in the prose, "you destroyed our friendship," was stated in an email from the other party. It was stated in the context with a conditional phrase. At least, that is my understanding. I hadn't realized I was possibly doing what was stated in the condition.

I had offered to discuss all this stuff by phone, but the other party made it clear (via email) that they wanted no contact with me.

Regardless, (of the condition stated in the phrase and all the other stuff) my son and I went on a looonnngg hike the day after I received the email. I was distressed at the time, and my son and I discussed the incident.

One of my son's responses was, "How can you be the one that destroyed the friendship when the other person ended it?"

Well...duh.... ;-)

~I'm still distressed, btw. And working through that distress. "Di-stressed." Interesting word. AFGO of life, I reckon. :-/