embalm

underneath my skin
just beneath the surface
an unreachable itch
vacillating, floating
trying to push through

to reveal, to disclose
to expose, to liberate

the tiny morsels
suppressed by authority
screaming for release
so as to not be buried

where 1000 splinters
morph into boards
solidified plywood
encasing my heart
as it silently pulses

september 10, 2010
judithpiper

***
Verbal abuse plus the silent treatment.
A soul murdering combination.
But only if I allow it.
***

deja vu

silenced
pen paralyzed
murdered muse

wishing
it were a dream

and I'd awake
tomorrow
to discover it
untrue

daggers

Had a hard day today
A friendship died
And I'm very confused as to why or how

I endeavored to open the door
To talk, to understand
But the door was shut with my face in it

It hurt

Apparently I am responsible for the death
The friend told me
"You destroyed our friendship"

And I don't even know how I committed the murder

I never want to burden a friend
With the responsibility they need to defend me
I don't make a good defense barrier

Maybe that means I am a rotten friend
Maybe I can't be trusted
And now my heart wonders

Can it trust itself again


08/02/10
~me

~*~

Don't feel like writing the context. It is what it is. Though I am stunned by it all. I feel raw and numb at the same time. It will take some time to not shake inside. That shake that comes when I feel I can't trust myself.

Reasons

*****

silence
of nonexistence
deafens

I despise it with a passion

hush
of hypocrisy
murders

I pray I never bow again

If left unchecked they breed a rage
unjustified
to the blind audience

rage
unchecked leads to
violence

And the dazed, nescient crowd wonders
"How?"
"Why?"

silence
there's more than meets
the ear


judithpiper
july 3, 2007

****

The book "The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse" has a photo on the front cover - a man and a woman both with their index fingers over their lips... "shhhhh." The photo doesn't show their eyes.

That's how (or one way) any abuse can continue...the hush rule. "Don't tell." It's a "private" matter. Secrets.

Yet underneath all that silencing is an abuser in control.

It happens in social groups on a continuum...at the office, in families, in social clubs, in churches, in internet chat rooms and online forums. In The Way it was known as the "lock box."

When someone escapes that power, the mindset can (will?) continue until the abused directly addresses the mindset and restructures thinking patterns. It's not an easy task; it's hard damn work.

The person may (most likely will) go through a phase of bitterness and rage. If that phase isn't addressed properly; the rage can erupt like a volcano into violent reactions, words, and deeds. It may quiet, but still boils underneath. Unless it is dealt with properly, the violence may escalate when the right catalyst comes along.

*********