the to-do-without list

i recently read
that minimal to-do lists
which i've naturally employed
for years now
can reap
greater productivity

sometimes i list
one thing
sometimes two
sometimes more

depending on what i feel i can
accomplish, so that
at the end of the day
i can feel successful

on the really rough days
with energy too low to do
but not low enough to not care
life has a pointless pointness
it's like limbo
existing in an eternal state of waiting

today's to-do list:

something
anything
nothing
something

sans

exhaust fumes

there are no words to describe the utter exhaustion

but here I go, trying to give it a try

it feels like my bones are going to collapse and that all my organs are going to fail

when i first experienced this, it was scary

now it's routine

it becomes difficult to put together sentences, other than with elementary language

socializing becomes exhausting, except with nature and animals

we socialize in a different way, on a different level

the simplest of tasks take all the concentration i can muster

sometimes I cannot muster

so i just sit, or lay

and ceiling stare

unless i'm outside, then i sky stare

and cloud watch

they move so effortlessly


[penned may 5, 2016,
1-1/2 weeks pre-epidural #12]

Salem Lake ~ clouds