Write what is real and true and tied to our experience... (Marta Szabo)
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I think of the Velveteen Rabbit.
He so wanted to be real.
And he was real to the little boy that would carry Rabbit almost everywhere Boy explored.
Boy slept with Rabbit.
I feel sure Boy held Rabbit closely to his heart while in his night dreams.
Rabbit sat with Boy after Boy fell ill with scarlet fever.
Doctor said all Boy's toys needed to be burned for sanitation reasons.
Rabbit was stuffed in a bag and put in the garden awaiting cremation.
His heart was broken, and he shed Velveteen tears.
But then a magic fairy appeared to Rabbit.
Fairy transports Rabbit deep into a forest, places him with other bunnies that can hop and breathe and wiggle their ears.
Fairy gives Rabbit a magic kiss and Rabbit's fur turns from tattered velveteen to soft, warm, rabbit fur like bunnies of the forest are clothed in.
I have felt like the Velveteen Rabbit after he was put in the garbage bag.
No longer needed.
Tossed aside and eventually forgotten about.
Broken. Tattered. Lonely.
Without purpose, other than to make it through another day.
Did a fairy come along and pull me up?
If so, I could not see the fairy with my head eyes.
But in my imagination, my Insiders were born.
Though they had probably always been with me; I was just too preoccupied with pleasing people and obeying the Word to allow my imagination to wander that far for fear of devil spirit possession.
How silly for a woman in her early 60s to have relationships with imaginary beings that live inside her.
There is Pog who first appeared as the steward of the pond of grief; that's how he got his name, Pog. Then the pond of grief slowly transformed into the pond of gratitude.
There is Itt, who looks like Itt from the Addams Family.
He first appeared as anger.
He would shiver and all his hair would shiver with him.
When he felt rage all his hair would stand up on end, stretched as straight and far as the hairs could go.
There is Owl who first appeared when Woman was having some gut trouble.
With his beak, Owl carefully plucked dark pellets from woman's belly and her gut trouble eased.
There is Troll who is gnarly with a heart of gold.
Troll is strong and a shape shifter who helps give woman's limbs strength.
He carries a golden sword, probably related to the Greek myth Chysaor whose mother was Medusa and father was Poseidon.
There is Martin, a golden star who used to tremble with fear.
Pog has helped Martin to find peace.
They both help Woman to sleep.
There are Campfire Stewards, Unicorn, Winged Fabio, Eagle and Raven.
And two of the most beloveds of the woman, Whale and Elephant.
And there is a giant tree where the Campfire Stewards have built treehouses.
From a different decade there is Nanna, the girl, Sally the horse, Tender the aged steward, and Giant John the gardener.
All the Insiders love to dance as Woman listens to dancing music.
How silly for a woman in her mid 60s to count inanimates as friends, treat them kindly, talk with them and feel them talk back.
Similar to the trees who hold her and cradle her and let her know how much they love her and how happy they are to see her.
She has been known to break into shadow dancing, the sun behind her back as she dances with Tree.
Truth be told, it's not silly at all...
It is survival...
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| The Village, 2022 It has since grown... |
