Tunnels

Monday, 10/30/17

Another day
In my ho-hum life

I'm in the hole
No
It's not a hole
It's a tunnel
Half-way into the tunnel

I can see the other end
A lighted oval hole
With the bottom of the oval cut off
I'm standing
As I stare
At this mirage in my mind

I know if I just keep moving
Forward
I'll arrive
At the oval-that's-not-a-complete-oval
And I will exit
Into the sunlight
Until the next tunnel

I have walked
Not ridden my bike
To this half-way location
In the tunnel
I have no trekking poles or walker
I wish that were true
In real life

I trudge forward
Slowly
Painstakingly

When I exit
Into the sunlight
My bike Olivia
Is waiting for me
I feel happiness
But also a sense of dread
Knowing there are
More tunnels
Wondering if these tunnels
Will ever cease

I get weary
On this continual path
That leads only to
The same-old same-old
I feel I make no headway
To anywhere specific
That I'm forever stuck
On this repetitive path

What if I am stuck
How can I learn to appreciate
What surrounds me
In spite of the constant trudge

Is that all life is
One long constant trudge
From one tunnel
To the next

In my image
I am alone
Very alone
A single human
Along a gravel trail
By a river

On the left side of the trail
A rocky cliff rises
Eight stories high
On the right are trees
Lots of trees
And a bank that goes down
Eight stories to the river
The river stretches
Eight flatbed trucks wide

What is my purpose
Out here alone
Trudging along
Alone

I feel so
Alone
And I don't feel
Hopeful

I have three more days off work
Until my six-week pet-sitting marathon
Starts again

Focus not on the marathon
Focus not on what you can't do
Because of your physical and cognitive
Limitations

For these three days
Choose that which makes you
Happy
Choose things that
Rejuvenate
That might even inspire
Hope

When others share their simple accomplishments
In daily tasks
Organizing, cleaning, errand running, socializing
Be gentle with yourself
It's understandable to feel
Envy

Counter the envy 
With joy in their joy
Remind yourself of things
You can do
Of which others would 
Envy
Cycling, driving, making your bed, dressing, pet-sitting
And your material needs are met

The dark days always
Cease
The light always
Shines again
As long as I am
Breathing

I hope my injections today
Help
They will
They always do

I've just got to hang on until
Tomorrow
When they kick in
And I feel 
Better

I prefer
Tunnels to
Holes