So, I am working my heart and mind and body and brain, with help from my insiders, to exit my stuckness.
A stuckness which I have finally identified.
Maybe, I think, at least in part.
A stuckness in ever-hardening clay, if I allow it.
The clay is still supple, so I can still make my way out.
But even if it dried, I'd probably still try to figure a way out.
In some regards I am fortunate to have "won the cortical lottery," (to quote one of my favorite thinkers Jonathan Haidt).
That is, I was born with a genetic set-point where happiness and positivity come more easily than folks born with a lower set-point...
But, but, but...I suffered through years of deep depression, suicidal ideation, emotional suppression, and wearing the positivity mask which sometimes (maybe mostly?) wasn't a mask; it was real and authentic...to look for and try find the bright side of life.
Yet, when I look back at Mom and Dad and what they not only survived but managed to even thrive through, making the best of every ounce of energy that they could....
I just shake my head in almost baffled disbelief.
Because I know what it took.
Not only was I physically present through those years, helping out...
But now, in my years of nerve damage with incredible weakness and fatigue...
Yet, in my "knowing," I can only relate experientially an inkling, just a tiny inkling, of what they went through...
My god, it's really incredible...
~*~
"Really incredible" brings to mind a song by Miten and Dema Preval, There is so much magnificence...
Life is really incredible...
There is so much magnificence,
Not only near the ocean, but also in my backyard....
"There is so much magnificence
Near the ocean
Waves are coming in
Waves are coming in
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
There is so much magnificence
Near the ocean
Waves are coming in
Waves are coming in..."
Me again:
