The Gift...

In the belly of the whale

I sit

Faint glow from a fire that does not emanate heat

It simply gives light

Enveloping this fascinating room

Like a womb

But not a womb

I sit here for comfort

I sit here to hide from the harsh elements

That have tried to consume me

Like predator for its prey

The last five weeks

I sit here for hours

Unaware that I sit there

Unconscious of Whale and I

Until a bit later as I lie down on the table

With eyes closed

As Michele practices her gift

Then I see it

The whale room

We are floating in a warm, soft nighttime

There is a faint orange hue outside the belly

Along the horizon where dark mountains rise

It appears as a silhouette through Whale's thick skin  

I love this darkness

I whisper silently

This comforts me

I feel safe in this type of darkness

Whale swims to shore

Opens her giant mouth

Extends her giant tongue

And gently drops me off onto the soft, sandy beach

Into the darkness outside of Whale

Still will campfire

Whale floats in the water

Shallow depths

But enough to keep her breathing properly

She is happy

She smiles

I smile

As I sit on the beach

Enveloped by this magical darkness

And then a swirl

Like that of the Milky Way

Like that of my thumbprints

Like that of the twisting ladders

Of my DNA

And then

Back on the beach

Lying down now

Resting

From the sheer exhaustion of simply being

In this body

Tormented by pain and stupor

I sit up

And see an elephant

Hmm...Is not the elephant the biggest beast on earth

Is not the whale the biggest swimmer in the sea

What does this mean

Elephants don't live on the beach

Or do they

But this one is here

On this beach

He is a gentle beast

With his trunk he sprays water over his head

And onto his back

But from where does this water come

For it isn't salty

It is fresh

Shorts: May 2023, One (5/01 - 5/14)

   To read an introduction and access the Shorts index, click here: Shorts: Introduction

Dedicated to all who suffer in silence...

Which isn't silent at all...

The torment is a far scream from quiet...

You are heard...

      You are not alone...

     We are not alone...

Monday, 5/01/23

Today in 17 syllables

Disorientation

Orientation

That's 20

Now 27

Lying on my belly

Hair-thin needles

Head, back, arms, hands

Legs, feet

And plum blossom

Keb sings

"Get down on your knees and pray"

I think I will, Keb

Monday, 5/01/23

Lying in bed

Gazing out window

Watching leaves

Clap and wave

I want to be recognized

I want others to know I've done things

I want to be seen

Does air want to be seen

What does air look like

Air moves things

Valance on window

Crytal hangs on fishing line

Air from vent

Causes both to dance

I felt very lonely today

But now I see

Air is my companion

Wednesday, 5/03/23

Writing without my lap desk

Balance Moleskine on thighs

Balance pen awkwardly

Between thumb and two fingers

Thursday, 5/04/23

When Son made an error

In a baseball game

Coach would say

"Shake it off"

This morning

Envisioning pain

In left thigh

It was an oval shape

Orange in color

Which then turned to creamsicle

Do I write 

17 syllables

Too tired to try

Headlamp shines on page

I close my eyes

Gently smile

Outside and in

Friday, 5/05/23

Recording thoughts

One syllable

At a time

To not be bound by them

To not be bound by the present-past

The last second has already passed

I think my Insiders are in some way

Related to my organ systems

Fascinating

Do I share about my Insiders

No, not yet

Maybe never

You have trusted healers

With whom you've shared

And they don't think you are looney

Diana, Michele, Andres, Todd

True healers

My body is the true healer

I wonder if others have Insiders

Born from making sense of the world

Of making sense in their own world

Perhaps that is one way 

That cartoonists create

Guardians 3 is out!!!

Why do I shiver

When I am not cold

Is my body shaking off toxicity

Warming me in order to receive

Close my eyes

Ask, "what do I write"

So that is what I wrote

Wrote Shorts on my phone this morning

That is so strange

That we can "write" on our phones

Is a Short a Short

If I type it on my phone

Instead of writing it in my Moleskine

Saturday, 5/06/23

Release my self from the 

Eye of scrutiny

Dive back into the 

Eye of the storm

I grok the torture

The insanity

Of sleep deprivation

It causes something

That I cannot describe 

In this moment...

It's like a fuzzy darkness

Impossible to grasp

Where the stars are not clear

Are they stars

Or are they 

Snowflakes

Whatever they are

They vibrate, staticky

Like the signals are not getting through

I see this in my brain

Not in my torso

Is the static I feel

Like that in my limbs

Decision making

Is next to impossible

Thankful my self-care tasks

Are routine

Sunday, 5/07/23

Shorts are like 

Tweets

But shorter

Shorts are just thoughts

That is all they are

Thoughts with words

Looking out 

Bedroom window

Refreshing view

Vomiting today

Weak on weak

Sick on sick

This journal has gotten 

So messy

There must be some oxen

In the stalls

Where there are messes

There is life

Be thankful for the messes

Monday, 5/08/23

How do I describe

The last 31 hours

It's felt like a month

I felt even weaker today

After I was able

To move about a bit

No wonder I can't

Totally relax

I lose function

When someone is in a coma

Someone else has to 

Move the sleeper's limbs

Otherwise, they atrophy away

Wednesday, 5/10/23

For months I've wondered

What is the point of working so hard

Just to keep my body moving

That is my full-time job

But to what end

I'm not able to serve others

Yesterday an answer came

When preparation meets opportunity

Success happens

I'm staying prepared

Hubby snores loudly

In adjacent bedroom

Where Son used to snore

Saturday, 5/13/23

The dizziness

The nausea

Please stop

Pining for life

Outside the incessant

Tasks of selfcare 

Pining for life

Beyond the incessant

Misery of symptom overload

I pant to escape this drudgery

Therein my suffering is multiplied

Desiring life to be otherwise 

Gratitude

Acceptance

Endurance

Ground me

This too shall pass

By death or

By worsening or

By freedom

I wish I could convey more clearly

The severity of my symptoms

All their repurcussions

GET ME

OUT OF 

HERE!!!!

Sleep would be

A welcome

Escape

Sunday, 5/14/23

Daughter texted today

Son called

Filled with gratitude

Is my heart

How do you feel

Grateful, so grateful

Last night I was raging

I am whole

I trust

I am love

I am

Heat on back

Headlamp on forehead

Fan breezes cool me

Comfort is

Not being

Dizzy

I breathe in the suffering

Of all the medically injured

I breathe out

Peace, comfort, strength

To all