~ random thoughts in october ~

I am not quiet inside
There are hints of fear
Emotional bits letting me know

I am not in control

I know the feeling will pass
The hints will quiet
The bits will dissolve

I know the sun will rise

There are boils on my left thumb
They extend down my left wrist
They too will dissolve

Countless memories of hives

I dreamt last night
Of the big house with rooms not used
Of water leaks and mountain views

I dreamt of the auditorium

Five pianos and an organ
Furniture old and dusty
Crowded into every corner

We never did tour the bathrooms

My body ages and carries more weight
Exercise is no longer my lifestyle
Dramatic changes are on the horizon

Sometimes I miss Facebook

carol welch
october 31, 2010

Tribute for Acetabular

You served me well
You grew with me
Together we ran, we jumped, we danced
We made love

Every moment you were with me

Your pain then spoke
Sometimes I'd listen
Other times I'd push through
Cursing you beneath my breath

You heard every utterance

I'm sorry for my bitter words
Still, you continued to serve
The best you could
Still, you made your pain known

Now you are forever gone

In a matter of half-hours
Incision, folds, cuts, disengagement
It was time, you see
You lived with unforgiving pain

So did I

I think you'd be pleased
With your surrogate
Your peers and I have accepted it
Welcomed it, though it can never be you

It doesn't pulse with the life you had

Yet, it is becoming one with us
And we believe it will serve well
Valiantly, and hopefully
For our length of days

I honor you

I will not forget you
Thank you for your decades
Of life and service
 
I wonder....  
Is there a hip heaven?

August 20, 2008
judithpiper


****

On August 6, 2008, I received a new hip (acetabular) via total hip replacement surgery.  The new joint and auxilaries are a combo of titanium and other materials of which I cannot recall at the moment.  My new member doesn't squeak. I've heard that some hips from previous construction days do. I can't imagine having a replacement part that squeaks.  eek!

I'm young for hip replacement surgery.  Most likely, the osteoarthritis was brought on by high doses of steroids that I had to ingest for years and years in order to keep me breathing; I had suffered with serious adult-onset asthma.  Steroids have a tendency to mess up the bones.  However, most of me bones are in good shape considering the circumstances. Nutrition and exercise played vital roles in keeping them healthy amidst the steroid invasion.

When I initially went for my consultation with the surgeon he was going over my x-rays with me and stated, "You have really small bones."  As we ended the review, he pondered the gray and black and white medical photograph.  After a moment he stated (again), "Gosh, you have small bones."  At that point I asked, "Is that a problem?"

There were a few complications. The recuperating process was rough and long.  It took over one year for me to be fully functional.  I need to get back to exercising now! The complications are mostly smoothed now.  And my hip glides well these days.  It's fun to engage some positions I'd not been afforded for years.

Yay for titanium and Dr. David Howe and Forsyth Medical Center.  They done real good!

Dear John (The Real Thing)

~*~*~

You've tended my soul gently,
how can I repay
the goodness you infuse in me
the trust your heart conveys?

We've been through hell and back again
weathered tempestuous storms,
internal bruises, wrenching pains
through conflict courage forged.

You saw beyond my weaknesses
horizons I couldn't see
through buffets, trials, sicknesses,
endurance, forgiveness, mercy.

My heart forever devoted
with you I'll always stay,
love of my life, my soul
until our dying day.

And then throughout eternity
our lives continue to unfold,
with peace and perfect harmony
the stories yet untold.

may 17, 2007

I love you John.
With all my heart,
Carol
****

John, my dear John.  How my heart overflows with gratitude.  You have stood beside me through thick and thin. By the time May, 2007, came along we were continuing to help care for my mom, had survived and thrived through over a decade of helping care for my dad through his quadriplegia.  You had been by your dad's side when he drew his last breath fighting emphysema.  You stood by me through years of battling to breathe and function, physically and emotionally.  Been there when both our children were birthed.  Gone to work day in and day out; a hero for our family.  You even learned to cook a little bit.

By May, 2007, we had both recently made major changes in our belief systems and had survived an online and phone affair with both of us looking elsewhere to meet our marital needs.  Our deepest pains had been exposed; our marriage had been on the verge of divorce just a year earlier.  By 2007 we were welded so intricately at our hearts, like that of a Celtic knot which holds mysteries and bonds that almost nothing can separate.

I do hope there is an eternity in which we will learn more of each other, and continue to weave stories of hope, of life, of victory.

Happy Anniversary to both of us, 25 years ago on September 15, as we exchanged vows, tasted the salt, and sipped from the cup....

~*~*~