Ledger's Balance

Time rushes through my life
like a river's untamed rapids
I embrace a rock for anchor
~but alas, I'm swept away...

Time trickles through my fingers
like water through a sieve
I clinch and try to grasp it
~with no affect upon the flow...

Time sits, patiently waiting
like a father for an absent son
I behold their yearned reunion
~and for a moment, glimpse eternity...

May our days spent by seconds
tip the ledger's balance
toward time that sits
~momentary glimpses of eternity...

february 12, 2oo8
judithpiper

***
~Nuff said...
***

Progeny

Inspired by Ron and Diane ~ originators of 10,000 Miles 10,000 Dreams.
~*~*~

Sweaty. Sticky.
Salty beads roll down my torso
Trekking poles aid my sinews
Sinews aged, one-half century

Ascent. Rocks.
I peer ahead
Daughter of my youth has stopped
Stopped to converse with two passers-by

Trudge. Halt.
I stand beside my offspring
Introduced to the travelers
Travelers of 10,000 miles, gathering 10,000 dreams

Unload. Chat.
The four of us
Loosen straps, unclick clips
Clips that hold the packs, packs upon our backs

Serendipity. Resonance.
Sharing details of our lives
Each keenly aware of significance
Significance of this wilderness crossing

Dreams. Boldness.
"What is your life's dream?"
"If you were 10 times bolder,
how would you change the world?"

Corridors. Doubt.
My mind freezes
Searching its corridors, unsure
Unsure of my life's dream

Video. Sound.
Of the 10,000, I am 241
Daughter is number 242
Number 242 recorded on the digital screen

Humbleness. Pride.
I listen as Number 242 responds
And it dawns upon me
It dawns upon me that I behold

Before my eyes and with my ears
My life's dream fulfilled
One of my own 10,000 dreams
One of my own 10,000 tears

10,000 tears of gratitude

august 19, 2010
carolwelch/judithpiper
~*~*~

My 22-year old daughter and I took a couple-night backpacking trip in August 2010 along the Appalachian Trail in New York.

Our route began around 7:00 pm from just south of Perkins Tower which is located on the top of Bear Mountain. We pitched tent after about a mile on an open area with some rocks overlooking an awesome view of low mountains in the distance and a Hudson River tributary, the light diffusion from NYC visible all through the dark hours.

The next day we proceeded North, trekking through Bear Mountain Trailside Museum, which is a zoo featuring local animals. Yes, the AT goes right through the zoo, white blazes and all.

Upon exiting the zoo, the AT then leads the hiker across the Hudson River on the sidewalk of the Bear Mountain Bridge, traffic whirring by under the bridge cables and towers. Eventually, the AT exits 'civilization' and re-enters the woods. I think that wooded area is known as the Hudson Highlands.

By the end of the day, we had hiked some eight to nine miles and pitched tent at the soccer field of the Graymoor Monastery. An awesome place which provides a cold shower and running water. Two luxuries for a backpacker. We camped that night with another backpacker, a section hiker who is a New Jersey State Trooper. I joked to my daughter that we were well protected - a state trooper on one side and a statue of Jesus on the other. Ha!

The next day, we headed back to Perkins Tower. It was due to an incident on the return trek that the poem originated.

Along the trail we met two beautiful people, as most AT backpackers are. I do really mean that; I love backpackers and hikers.

These awesome folks are Ron and Diane. They are hiking 2100 miles and then biking 7900 miles. Along the way they are collecting 10,000 dreams, one for each mile, via video recording which they then blog.

This collection will be combined into an art project to inspire people, folks of everyday life, to have hope and to reach for their dreams. What an awesome project!! Here is their website, Journey of Dreams.

When Diane asked me the question, "What is your life's dream?" my mind became paralyzed. Paralyzed because of a recent personal relationship conflict that had affected me at my core self and had left me in much internal distress and self-doubt. Just that morning I had journaled asking myself, "What do I do now? What is my focus?"

Anyhoo, I came up with one of my dreams to share for their project. They recorded my dream. I am the 241st dreamer and my daughter is Number 242.

I stumbled with my answer as the camcorder looked at me.

Then it was my daughter's turn.

And as she spoke, I realized....

that my children are my greatest dream fulfilled. They are awesome people, in spite of my (and my wonderful husband's) parenting blunders. I treasure the decades we have been blessed to grow together. And now, my young adult children are my friends, at least as much as one can be *friends* with their kids.

What greater fulfillment could I ask?

Brings to mind a song from my Way days: "Sometimes I forget that I've been given, my life's dream..."

[An added funny. Ron and Diane live in Asheville, just a few hours from me. Ha. Life and serendipity.]

~Thanks to Ron and Diane for the inspiration~

****
Sarah appears at minute 5:26 on Ron and Diane's Journey of Dreams Webisode 6: NJ/NY.....

Day's End

Today came.  
Today went.

Reading. Writing. Speaking. 

Singing. Hoping. Giving. 

Receiving. Smiling. Laughing.

Working. Typing. Thinking.

Eyes now closing.  

Feet tapping.  

Pause.  Pray.

Give thanks.

 december 18, 2009
jchwelch
~*~*~
I got home from work after midnight.  My mind was swimming with all I need to get done...so many things left undone.  The things on my list that will soon have to get done.

I thought, 'Well, what did I accomplish today?' Just the small list in my little prose makes a worthwhile day.

Most of my days, and I would think most everyone's days, are spent relating.  The only way we can't relate is if we cease to exist.  Some think that we never cease.  I don't concern myself much with that.

My day began laughing with my son and ended laughing with my daughter. In between involved good conversation with others, even the dogs, Maggie and Butter.  What more can one ask for?

~*~*~

"Until Then"

Pristine notes, words of praise
Age-old hymns bestow God's light
The dark-skinned man bellows deep
Sings with all his might

Causing my heart to swell

He sings of endurance
He sings of joy
He sings of pain in the temporal now
He sings of everlasting streets of gold

Causing my tears to roll

Well, is it true O God my Lord?
Will there someday be
This home of peace, of bliss, of joy
A place of forever harmony?

Causing my soul to cry fervently

Surely 'tis true that all shall see
Face to face and eye to eye
Surely 'tis true there'll be a time
All wrongs to be made right

Causing my spirit to yearn

Until that day, O God, I pray
Allow my heart to stay tender
My eyes to see beyond hostility
And never evil for evil to render

Your boundless love, God of Life,
Causing my breast to hope eternal

june 5, 2007
judithpiper

****
In May 2007, my husband and I watched a televised presentation of the dedication of the Billy Graham Library in Charlotte, North Carolina, USA.  Wintley Phipps sang the hymn Until Then with so much joy and life and exuberance; it was thrilling to watch.

At the time I was deeply struggling with my own beliefs as far as God, the Bible, Jesus Christ, who I was, my marriage...just a lot of things. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I embraced the words coming from what I felt/feel to be a man with a giant heart of grace and love.

Regardless of one's spiritual beliefs, songs like this which bring relief and hope and joy to the soul, can help us each to continue to strive for a better day...now and in the future.

Until Then was a favorite of mine while in The Way.  I recall when Rev. Cummins used to sing it at certain occasions.

Wintley Phipps singing Until Then...

Unfinished

Oil can in aged hand
The Tender slicks the gears
"They rust when they have sat awhile
Moistened by only tears."

"I'll get them working one at a time
Squeak and turn until they're smooth
Time, patience, no rush at all
They'll almost be like new."

We sit and watch his nimble hands
Abe and Nanna at my side
His confidence always near
His quiet way soothes our minds

february 25, 2009
me
***
 It remains unfinished.

But, The Tender has his own blog.  (*wink*)

Maybe someday....

I wish the world were kind
but it's not

I wish that money grew on trees
but it doesn't

I wish I could smell colors
but I can't

I wish I had gills to breath underwater
but I don't

I wish I were thinner
but I'm not

I wish humans treated one another better
but they don't

I'm still hoping though
and always will

november 6, 2009
me

***************************
Just thinking about stuff.

Wow.  If all mankind could see all the thoughts of one day of all people....well, I just don't know about that....

Tribute for Acetabular

You served me well
You grew with me
Together we ran, we jumped, we danced
We made love

Every moment you were with me

Your pain then spoke
Sometimes I'd listen
Other times I'd push through
Cursing you beneath my breath

You heard every utterance

I'm sorry for my bitter words
Still, you continued to serve
The best you could
Still, you made your pain known

Now you are forever gone

In a matter of half-hours
Incision, folds, cuts, disengagement
It was time, you see
You lived with unforgiving pain

So did I

I think you'd be pleased
With your surrogate
Your peers and I have accepted it
Welcomed it, though it can never be you

It doesn't pulse with the life you had

Yet, it is becoming one with us
And we believe it will serve well
Valiantly, and hopefully
For our length of days

I honor you

I will not forget you
Thank you for your decades
Of life and service
 
I wonder....  
Is there a hip heaven?

August 20, 2008
judithpiper


****

On August 6, 2008, I received a new hip (acetabular) via total hip replacement surgery.  The new joint and auxilaries are a combo of titanium and other materials of which I cannot recall at the moment.  My new member doesn't squeak. I've heard that some hips from previous construction days do. I can't imagine having a replacement part that squeaks.  eek!

I'm young for hip replacement surgery.  Most likely, the osteoarthritis was brought on by high doses of steroids that I had to ingest for years and years in order to keep me breathing; I had suffered with serious adult-onset asthma.  Steroids have a tendency to mess up the bones.  However, most of me bones are in good shape considering the circumstances. Nutrition and exercise played vital roles in keeping them healthy amidst the steroid invasion.

When I initially went for my consultation with the surgeon he was going over my x-rays with me and stated, "You have really small bones."  As we ended the review, he pondered the gray and black and white medical photograph.  After a moment he stated (again), "Gosh, you have small bones."  At that point I asked, "Is that a problem?"

There were a few complications. The recuperating process was rough and long.  It took over one year for me to be fully functional.  I need to get back to exercising now! The complications are mostly smoothed now.  And my hip glides well these days.  It's fun to engage some positions I'd not been afforded for years.

Yay for titanium and Dr. David Howe and Forsyth Medical Center.  They done real good!

Dear John (The Real Thing)

~*~*~

You've tended my soul gently,
how can I repay
the goodness you infuse in me
the trust your heart conveys?

We've been through hell and back again
weathered tempestuous storms,
internal bruises, wrenching pains
through conflict courage forged.

You saw beyond my weaknesses
horizons I couldn't see
through buffets, trials, sicknesses,
endurance, forgiveness, mercy.

My heart forever devoted
with you I'll always stay,
love of my life, my soul
until our dying day.

And then throughout eternity
our lives continue to unfold,
with peace and perfect harmony
the stories yet untold.

may 17, 2007

I love you John.
With all my heart,
Carol
****

John, my dear John.  How my heart overflows with gratitude.  You have stood beside me through thick and thin. By the time May, 2007, came along we were continuing to help care for my mom, had survived and thrived through over a decade of helping care for my dad through his quadriplegia.  You had been by your dad's side when he drew his last breath fighting emphysema.  You stood by me through years of battling to breathe and function, physically and emotionally.  Been there when both our children were birthed.  Gone to work day in and day out; a hero for our family.  You even learned to cook a little bit.

By May, 2007, we had both recently made major changes in our belief systems and had survived an online and phone affair with both of us looking elsewhere to meet our marital needs.  Our deepest pains had been exposed; our marriage had been on the verge of divorce just a year earlier.  By 2007 we were welded so intricately at our hearts, like that of a Celtic knot which holds mysteries and bonds that almost nothing can separate.

I do hope there is an eternity in which we will learn more of each other, and continue to weave stories of hope, of life, of victory.

Happy Anniversary to both of us, 25 years ago on September 15, as we exchanged vows, tasted the salt, and sipped from the cup....

~*~*~

An Eagle Soars

(The sequel to likeaneagle)

**********************
To Carole...
"Death of a Friend" 
by Loren Robert DiGiorgi - Composer, Performer, Producer
(click #3)
Thanks to Loren for sharing his exquisite gift.
********************************

Beauty more splendid than lily of the field
Bubbling like brook that sings
Strength of Appaloosa on the plain
Wisdom of redwood standing tall
Grace of eagle in flight

Your every heartbeat enlivened with hope
Every breath energized with life
Every cell performed its task valiantly
Some tore down
Others rebuilt
They battled the best they could
Served until the last breath

In Autumn light, red and golden hues,
A tree sheds its final leaf
Cloud lets go a snowflake
Icicle prisms dance your song
In Spring, the sweet aroma of new life
Will honor your every breath
The giant mammal will slap her mighty tail
On the ocean waters
Your laughter and awe to recall

Know you are honored
The ship in the harbor awaits
I hope one day we all shall sail
As far as our hearts desire

Thank you for being a friend
Thank you for sweet memories

November 25, 2008
judithpiper


I had written the poem likeaneagle in August, 2008. It was a prayer for Carole, a prayer for strength and tenacity to be able reach beyond the despair of the medical diagnosis of cancer, stage 4. Carole had great hope and much support from family and friends.

Carole and I kept in touch via phone, email, and some US mail.

I received a photograph from Carole via US mail around November 18. Ships were afloat in a harbor. With it was a note; it was one of Carole's favorite spots. She had taken the shot while visiting the harbor in the last few months, September I think.

Around November 23 I received an email from one of Carole's daughters wondering if I could make a trip to see Carole. Of course I felt some guilt, but Carole understood. I wasn't well enough from major surgery I had had in August, a full hip replacement with some complications. I simply couldn't make the trip.

I received an email sometime late on November 25th. Carole had drawn her last breath. My heart broke again....as it does writing this post. Yet it also smiles for the blessings Carole bestowed, her goodness and grace and sweet laughter that still echos.

I revised likeaneagle, in Carole's honor, to An Eagle Soars. Both poems were read at her memorial service which was held in Chicago, her hometown.

I hope one day there is that great ship on which to sail together. And it better serve Carole's favorite wine!! And have some Scrabble boards. :-)

To Carole. May she sweetly rest, until then....

likeaneagle

****
To Carole....
"Stage 4" by
Loren Robert DiGiorgi - Composer, Performer, Producer
Thanks to Loren for sharing his beautiful gift.
****

Beauty more splendid than lily of the field
Bubbling like brook that sings
Strength of Appaloosa on the plain
Wisdom of redwood standing tall
Grace of eagle in flight

May your every heartbeat enliven with hope
Every breath energize with life
Every cell perform its task valiantly
Some that tear down
Others that rebuild
Harmonic choreography
For which they are uniquely designed

The bandit visitor to depart
Knowing this is not
Its time or place....
And never will be

I see you strolling the riverside, camera in hand
Basking in Autumn light, red and golden hues
I hear the crunch of snow beneath your boot
As you delight in prisms of icicles
The sweet aroma of spring with new life
Awakens your senses
Summer finds you on the sea,
Enthralled by her giant mammals
As their mighty tails slap the waters

If I could, I'd be with you now
Know you are in my heart
Day and night

August 30, 2008
judithpiper

(An Eagle Soars is the sequel to likeaneagle.)

*******************************



Carole had gone to the doctor some time in July, I think. She thought she had a hernia. The nurse practitioner that she saw told her that Carole needed to go for other testing right away. It appeared Carole might have cancer of the liver. That's a far cry from a hernia.

After further testing Carole was diagnosed with cancer (stage 4) in her colon, in her liver, and in her lung(s). It was hard to believe. My heart sank, to put it lightly.

Her family didn't like the 'C' word, though they knew it was the reality with which they were dealing.

Carole's daughters cared for Carole every step of the way. Appointments. Lifestyle changes. Family time. Laughter. Love. The basic necessities of life. Research on cancer and how they could help.

Carole and I first met on an online forum. At the time she lived in NC and we got together a few times. It was always a pleasure. Her screen name on that forum was likeaneagle.

Carole exhibited a love for life, always endeavoring to think the best of others and to give them the benefit of the doubt. One could tell Carole anything; she would keep it confidential and she wouldn't judge another with challenges as weak. She had lived through her own hell; most people were unaware of Carole's story and the heartache she had endured.

Shortly before Carole moved away from North Carolina, my husband and I gave her our van. We had been given a Ford Explorer. Carole needed a better vehicle. One of her daughters drove her to Winston to pick up the van. We went together to get new license plates; one for her van and another for our Explorer. The van and Explorer ended up with the same tag letters and numbers, except for one different number. Hers ended in the number 3, ours ends in 4. (Or is it the other way around?) After that, Carole and I used to sign some of our correspondence with our license plate numbers. *chuckle*

She enjoyed nature and photography. She was enthralled with the change of seasons and the whale of the sea. It wasn't unusual to receive emails from Carole with photos of great whale tails, icicles, autumn leaves, and ships.

I received my last photo from Carole via snail mail, less than a week before she died. That is a blog for another time.

***********************************

The Final Drum

Mother your life was rich
Your eighty-three years were full
Seldom was there a dull moment
You gave of your life and soul

Through bee stings, braces, cracked bones
We sewed our adolescent wild oats
You believed in us to the end
Until we could thrive on our own

Your commitment to family was strong
Your endurance in care unique
You taught others to see the good
During trial answers to seek

Your loved ones will dearly miss you
Your wit, your heart, your smile
We will recall the good times
And there will be tears for awhile

Your sense of humor sustained you
We reach beyond time to mourn
Our palates await the Great Banquet
To savor your green beans and creamed corn

........................................
We love you Flo Rae
Friend, Aunt, Mom, Grandma
May your rest with Albert
Companion, Uncle, Dad, Grandpa

And together dance
On moonlit shores
Until then....

Your children, your family, your friends


february 2, 2009
~piper

**********************************************

I don't want to think about Mother's Day this year. It's like I have an aversion to it. I cannot specifically identify why, other than the aversion having something to do with the death of my mom a couple months ago.

It's like I have a wall up, blocking something.

Some would perhaps say, "Tear down that wall!" But I'm not sure yet how to approach it or if I want to know why it is there. I just know I want the day to pass quickly, to get it over with.

My mom died at 83 years old on January 31, 2009. She was the last surviving sibling of 12. Her maiden name was Drum. Though she isn't the "final" Drum, she was the final Drum sibling of her family.

The following is an excerpt from Mom's obituary. (Must copy and paste the link for the link to work. Cannot link directly by simply clicking it.)
http://www.legacy.com/Obituaries.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonId=123651927

Flo Rae grew up in the Balls Creek area of Catawba County and was a graduate of Balls Creek High School. Soon after high school, she met and fell in love with a young man from Hickory, Albert W. Hamby. They were married in August 1942.

Albert's military assignments sent the couple to New York City and Miami, Fla. In 1946, Flo Rae and Albert settled in Daytona Beach, Fla., where their three children were born. The family moved to Hickory in 1961. Flo Rae and Albert joined the Adult Fellowship Class at First United Methodist Church and became lifelong friends with many fellow members. The love and support provided throughout the years by their church family was a continued blessing to Flo Rae. For the next several decades, Flo Rae was a national top-producing salesperson for Encyclopedia Britannica. Her engaging personality drew people to her and made her a trusted and very successful salesperson.

Her strong work ethic and passion for living life brought her through many challenges, the most difficult was Albert's automobile accident and subsequent disability in 1983. Flo Rae insisted on caring for her husband, a quadriplegic, at their home for the rest of his life. She and Albert were supported by a caring family and dear friends in Hickory during these years, but Flo Rae was always guiding the ship. She provided a quality of life for Albert that was truly amazing, including vacations and camping. Albert Hamby died in 1996.


I had a mix of emotions when Mom died; I still do.

I wrote the above poem in the wee morning hours. She really did make delicious green beans and creamed corn.

Child's View

O child in me

awaken

Remember to

recall

The joy of virgin

witness

First time that I

saw

Thrill to spy the ocean spray

moon dictate the tide each day

Dig my toes in seashore's surf

drip sandcastles along her turf

Watch the dolphin sail up high

smile and sparkle in her eye

Heart's delight as snowflakes fall

excitement at coyote's call

In wonderment watch the butterfly

unfurl her wings in first flight

Hold tight a kite on a string

feel the pull of wind unseen

O God I pray

I never lose

Eyes to behold

each day as new

december 09, 2oo7
carol welch


***
I don't recall in detail what was going through my mind when I wrote this poem, well other than a feeling of simplicity, dolphin smiles, kites, butterflies, and sandcastles.

This poem comes to mind now because I turned 50 a couple days ago. I had the thought that day, "I'm entering my 2nd childhood."

I do feel that way, sort of. I have a sense of exploration and discovery ahead. I'm excited about life, about learning, about all the colors of the leaves.

I still have a goal to hike the entire Appalachian Trail before I draw my final breath. I'll hike it in snippets or hike what's called a "flip-flop thru-hike." My son is going to hike a couple sections this summer starting in GA and going into at least TN, perhaps VA.

I hope I always remember to view life, at least at times, through the eyes and heart of a child.