Sunday, May 21, 2023

Shorts: April 2023

  To read an introduction and access the Shorts index, click here: Shorts: Introduction

Dedicated to all who suffer in silence...
Which isn't silent at all...
The torment is a far scream from quiet...
You are heard...
      You are not alone...
     We are not alone...

Tuesday, 4/04/23


Leaving Corps twice
In panic
Maybe this is similar
Flight

Is there anger
Simmering under
My non-rest

What is she shares and twists it
Like I didn't tell her upfront
But I did

Be more quiet before I share
No
That's not it

Choose more wisely
But I don't like the word
Wisely

Felt worse after Thursday
Afraid of insomnia if I do
Afraid of more weakness if I don't



Thursday, 4/06/23




Sunday, 4/09/23

Headlamp shines on page
and I wonder, 
When will I write again, draw again?

God I pray... 
please watch over A, to bring her joy
to help her feel safe. 

And my family too.
John, Sarah, Matt
Josh, Natalie

Yerba, Archie, Ozzy
All
And me too... :) 



Wednesday, 4/12/23

How did I start to feel better
this afternoon?
Oh yes, Ignatia the Saint <3

Deer, insects, snakes
squirrels, crows, songbirds
raccoons, chipmunks, possums...
Our backyard family - some

I feel 
life flow through me
though it cannot be seen
with the physical eye

So many projects I start
Some are only almost-starts
But so few I finish

And that's okay
The important ones 
get done

They are all important
Aren't they
Yes, but some have to wait

Goodnight
Perhaps I will sleep
If not, I will rest



Sunday, 4/16/23

Will I ever journal again?
I can't even write my 17 syllables per day.
That's okay, Carol. 

I watched a spider today
Magically float from ceiling to floor
I could not see her silk elevator

Dear God ~ help me accept
Help thou my unbelief
May I have peace. 
May I be.

Reading back through my scribbles
I am reminded
"Yes, you are writing."

Why do you not share
your Shorts?
Ahh...approval
It is a yoke of bondage



Saturday, 4/22/23

Ignatia, the saint, helped again
Could it be she will help
even while on acupuncture?

Lift me, my soul
Through the portal
Into spaciousness
Into possibilities



Monday, 4/24/23

Daughter and partner
Son and wife
I hold you tenderly in my heart

May you spread goodness
Embrace beauty
And shower its bounty

Flowers today
Colors galore
Leafy plants too
And trees
It was magic

The Psalmist panted for God.
I understand that longing.
Did he find peace?

Yes, I think he did.
Jesus was a Psalmist.
May peace abound. 



Tuesday, 4/25/23




Wednesday, 4/26/23

I yawn widely
Sadly that is not evidence
That I will sleep

Quiviviq, Xanax, herbs
And now
I wait



Thursday, 4/27/23

64 today I am
Too tired to write
Received laser treatment #85 today
Happy Birthday



Saturday, 4/29/23

Carol, write your Shorts
with no audience
in mind

Steroids cause
premature aging.
I am 
living proof.

Why is an electrical
outlet
not called an electrical
inlet?


Ahh 
That felt good
to write



Sunday, 4/30/23

I began this journal
My writing of Shorts
To not pen them in shorthand

That changed within 3 months
Shorthand takes less effort
For my painful hands

"How are you?" she asked
My answer...
"Miserable to okay
depending on the hour and the day.
Today, I'm okay." 

But that conversation was last week
Today felt like 3 days
Going from miserable to not as miserable

The highlight?
Feeling the sunshine
Warm my skin and eyelids